Oh Poor You, Poor Me!! - Tony Soprano and Borderline Personality Disorder

The Sopranos was THE television show of the early 2000s.  Everyone watched it.  They discussed, debated, examined, and quoted it (“Oh, poor you!” and “Toodle-fucking-oo?” were particular favorites in my family).  There were show-based teeshirts - still have my Satriale’s Pork Store one - and cookbooks.  At the center of it all, the man at the top of the mob-chain and patriarch of the titular family, was Anthony “Tony” Soprano.  Tony could’ve been the classic mobster with a simple psychopathic personality, but the writers (and Mr Gandolfini’s wonderful portrayal) made him so much more.  He was a complex man and became an icon for TV’s anti-hero.  He was also possibly the first male with borderline personality disorder in pop culture to go mainstream.

In order to show what I’m talking about I’ll go through the nine key symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (of which one need only have five in order to be diagnosed according to the National Institute of Mental Health) and show just how mobster Tony Soprano fit them.

Extreme reactions — including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions — to abandonment, whether real or perceived

The concern over being left or abandoned was nearly constant in Tony Sopranos’ mind and at times so intense he suffered panic attacks and blackouts.  Throughout the show he tried to preemptively prevent others from leaving him - his crew, his friends (mob and non-mob alike), his wife, his girlfriends, his children, his therapist - and when they appeared to make moves towards that choice he grew both furious and desperate.  When his therapist, Dr Melfi, tried to end their therapy he alternatively flipped out and tried to tempt his way back into her care via gifts and visits to her office…sometimes he used both methods in the same interaction.  After his wife, Carmella, declared she wanted a divorce - and disclosed a crush on a member of his crew - Tony exploded in a rage, punching a hole in the wall beside her head.  He even seemed upset when a flock of ducks in his pool took off, his face draining into utter, dejected, emptiness as he watched them go.

A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)

The most obvious relationship that played out this way was the one Tony had with his mother, Livia.  “She was a saint…fuck her!” was his often uttered feelings concerning her.  Now admittedly she had her own severe emotional/mental issues (Dr Melfi suggested Livia herself was a borderline), but that sort of same-breath love/loathe way of approaching others wasn’t something Tony just had with his mom.  He felt the same about nearly everyone.  His crew was made up of the best and most loyal guys around, until they were ungrateful pricks up his ass and trying to stab him in the back all the time.  His wife was amazing, until she made him put with her whiny bullshit.  His kids were great and he was incredibly proud of them, but they were also spoiled brats he wished he could smack some respect into.  His therapist really got him and was also a bitch who didn’t understand at all.  There were countless times Tony sang the praises of a person in his life only to declare “fuck him/her/them” and then backtrack into complimenting them once more; sometimes virtually in the same sentence.

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)

For the most part Tony knew who he was in the sense of being a mob boss and family man.  How he felt about his success in those roles was another matter.  He swung between feeling fantastic and fully in charge of everything and everyone in his world to feeling stressed out and overwhelmed whether anything actually changed or not.  He was the cock of the walk until he was barely able to function from self-loathing and depression.  ...Doubt he hated himself on occasion?  This was his reaction to finding out his son, AJ, suffered from depression: “It’s in his blood, this miserable fucking existence.  My rotten fucking putrid genes have infected my kid’s soul.  That’s my gift to my son.”

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating

Though not directly mentioned amongst the list of behaviors I believe the fact Tony was impulsively violent to the point that he killed more than one person in a rage counts. True that it might not seem a problem for a mob boss, but some of those he killed were connected to other mob families so it was generally bad for business and had the potential to cause a mob war.  (It’s a big no-no to kill a made guy without a sit-down with all pertinent parties, worse when the man isn’t directly/fully under your command, and when they aren’t even in your family it’s just not done.)  It wasn’t just violence that Tony was impulsive about either, one of his other major indulgences without consideration for the risks was women.  He bedded a number of women who were not his wife, but were emotionally and mentally unstable in ways that could’ve proven dangerous to his marriage, family, and even business depending on what they knew about him.  …Tony also did his fair share of impulsive and excessive drinking, gambling, and eating.

Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting

Admittedly there was never an incident in which Tony attempted suicide or self-harmed in the manner of intentional cutting or similar acts.  In fact, outside his generally dangerous behaviors and indulgences previously mentioned, he made no acts that would be considered suicidal or self-harming.  However, he threatened suicide and wondered aloud in therapy what the point of “it all” was more than once.

Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days

There were times Tony had such intense waves of anxiety he would pass out.  One minute he was cracking jokes at a backyard BBQ or chit-chatting at a fancy clubhouse gathering and the next he was hyperventilating into unconsciousness.  Waves of anger were similarly displayed with Tony jovial one moment and exploding into a violent rage the next - often over minor incidents such as having food he wanted eaten before he got to it or a bartender saying something he considered stupid.  These sudden changes in emotion could last for a few hours to couple days before they switched with a new stimuli - like a stupid comment throwing him into a rage, sometimes just a juvenile joke was enough to lighten a day-long melancholy.

Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom

All one must do is recall what Tony said when he described his depression: “This isn’t painful.  Getting shot is painful.  Getting stabbed in the ribs is painful.  This shit isn’t painful.  It’s empty…dead.”  Beyond that it can be seen in his facial expressions; when alone or thought others weren’t looking Tony’s face often seemed an alternating mix of deep thoughtfulness, dark depression, and blank emptiness.

Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger

Tony’s violent rage has already been discussed at length concerning episodes both at work and home.  That the triggers for the violence could be for the smallest infractions, perceived or actual, has also been covered.  It’s clear that Tony let his anger rule his actions more than once at work, at home, and in therapy.  He punched in walls (home), broke tables (therapy), and once got into a physical altercation with AJ over feeling disrespected.

Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.

One could say Tony had paranoid thoughts given he often worried about those around him betraying (and killing) him, but given his profession it’s not an unreasonable concern.  Even if you take into account these worries came up more frequently when Tony felt stressed or anxious, it’s still valid.  There were times when Tony would zone out, which could be seen as a dissociation, but given he never mentioned feeling cut off from/outside of himself it’s hard to say…he could’ve just been daydreaming or lost in thought like so many others.  Thus the closest and clearest time Tony ever came to losing touch with reality was during a deep depressive episode when he hallucinated a beautiful foreign exchange student visiting next door named Isabella.  Not only did he imagine her, but as he listened to her speak he said he found himself back in rustic Italy with her breastfeeding an infant named Antonio.  …While Dr Melfi declared the whole incident a side effect of his prescribed lithium and he didn’t have another experience like that after he stopped taking the medicine, one never knows.

Throughout the show Dr Melfi and other characters made suggestions and references that Tony was a sociopath; this is understandable, but not quite accurate.  Understandable in that he did have some antisocial characteristics - especially violent criminality - and as such it likely led to the default assumption of him being a sociopath like other criminals of that ilk.  Once you presume Tony is a sociopath all his other issues can be dismissed as manipulative malingering; the problem is that Tony was not malingering in his issues, as was shown in the day-to-day activities of his life.  His emotions were that intense and mercurial, he honestly felt depression and guilt (at times), and while he could be manipulative to get what he wanted, what he often wanted was to not to be abandoned or otherwise rejected...things someone with borderline personality disorder, not sociopathy, would want.

Why Walkers Might Have Herpes

Some of the forever asked and never answered questions in the Walking Dead universe are: How did this happen?  Where did the Walker virus come from? (and) What is it, exactly?  Because these questions remain unanswered there’s plenty of opportunity to speculate by fans and it seems every other person out there has a theory.  As a fan I am no different…what probably is different is my theory.  My own personal theory about the Walker virus has to do with herpes.

Yes, herpes.  Not the STD or coldsore-causing herpes most immediately think of, but the herpesvirus family as a whole.  There are many different species within that family and certain ones in particular share surprising similarities to what is already known about the Walker virus.  The one that seems to share the most - and most important - connections is the Varicella-Zoster virus; comparisons can be made in both viruses’ overall communicability, latency, and reactivation.

Overall communicability

The first part of the name Varicella-Zoster refers to the first disease that the virus causes, which is better known as chickenpox.  You know, the (typically) kid’s disease with the itchy rash that can cover the whole body and drive a person nuts?  The disease that can spread like wildfire throughout classrooms and neighborhoods of the unvaccinated before the first kid even has those infamous bumps?  Yeah, that chickenpox.  Now there are likely three reasons it’s transmitted so easily: first, it is airborne through the mouth and virus-filled bumps (vesicles) of the rash, second, it can last a few hours or even a day or two outside a host, and third, a person remains contagious from 1-2 days before the rash appears until all those vesicles are scabbed over.

Given how quickly the Walker virus seemed to spread to the point that everyone had it, it’s not a stretch to consider this virus being airborne as well.  In fact, it’s really the only option that makes sense.  One cough from one infected person could easily infect hundreds and from those hundreds, thousands could be infected, and so on.  Generally speaking, if it’s airborne a virus can also be spread via skin contact, sexual contact, and any other exchange of fluids including/especially any containing said virus.  With all these modes of transmission going on and no one knowing the Walker virus even exists in the beginning a fast-spreading pandemic is practically a foregone conclusion.

Most viruses don’t last long outside a host body, yet the Varicella-Zoster virus can last up to two days; this spells trouble for the unvaccinated.  Picking up the toy of an infected child a day later could mean picking up the virus without ever having seen the risk coming.  If the Walker virus lasted the same amount of time it’d be just as contagious; if it lasted longer, if the virus could survive without a host for days or weeks, then it’d become exponentially contagious.  It would also explain why even those living out on a farm mainly removed from the rest of society (like the Greene family) might have it…all they’d need to do is grab a feedbag previously touched by an infected and they’d pick up the virus to spread to the rest of the farm.

As mentioned a person infected with chickenpox is contagious before their rash even appears, which makes spotting (and then avoiding) them more difficult.  If the Walker virus is initially without obvious signs and/or symptoms as well then, again, the communicability is heightened.  How can you avoid infected people if they don’t even know they are infected?  That being said there should be some indication that a virus has entered the body eventually, even with the Walker virus, so…what might be the first signs and symptoms of it?  It’d be easy to say turning into a Walker is the first sign/symptom, but I honestly doubt that that is the initial (and thus only) indication.  It makes far more sense that the virus is dismissed as some other illness because the signs and symptoms are too common and fleeting to disrupt and cause worry for the infected individual.  (“I think I caught a cold, no biggie.”  “I knew I should’ve gotten my flu shot.”  “I think we need to switch detergents, this one’s giving me a rash.” … “Never mind, I guess it resolved itself.”)

Now you have a highly contagious Walker virus with initial signs and/or symptoms that potentially go unnoticed or disregarded…but why all that time between initial infection and when Walkers appear?

Latency

Herpes comes from the Greek word herpein, meaning “to creep”, which refers to the latent, recurring, diseases the members of this virus family are known to cause.  The length and number of latency periods varies depending on species, but again I feel the Varicella-Zoster virus is most comparable to what’s possibly occurring with the Walker virus.

In the time after the Varicella (chickenpox) aspect and before the Zoster (shingles, to be discussed later) aspect of the Varicella-Zoster virus there is a period of dormancy.  The virus is still in the body, but now inactive as it gathers in the nerves cells based somewhere along the Central Nervous System.  During the latency period there are no signs or symptoms, the virus is not contagious, and is often forgotten about by even those infected with it.  Forgotten because the latency period is often decades long.  Frequently the virus remains dormant for 50+ years, which in some people can be almost their entire lifetime.  Long enough to forget the virus remains inside your body, long enough to not make the connection between the chickenpox you had at seven and the shingles now appearing at sixty.

It would be easy to not see the Walkers coming (so to speak) if the virus causing it had a latency period as long as the Varicella-Zoster virus.  Looking at things closely and speaking more accurately though, it’s most likely that the Walker virus has a latency period that’s actually longer.  Longer than that of the Varicella-Zoster virus and longer than a lifetime.  Considering no one is ever shown turning into a Walker pre-death it is logical to presume that it is a person’s actual death that triggers the virus’s reactivation.  With that long of a latency period it’d certainly be understandable if no one was able to make the connection to whatever happens when the Walker virus first enters the body and someone turning into a Walker at the end of their life.

But what, if any, similarities do the Walker virus and Varicella-Zoster virus have when reactivated?

Reactivation

How the Varicella-Zoster virus is reactivated is still something of a mystery; there are any of a number of triggers for reactivation, and sometimes none at all.  Known reasons all seem to involve a compromised immune system due to things like: old age, other illnesses (from colds to cancers), immunosuppressive therapy, and/or stress.  Whatever the trigger is the disease that appears as a result is always Herpes Zoster, better known as shingles.

Shingles is a different disease from chickenpox even though they are caused by the same virus.  Chickenpox involves a rash of incredibly itchy, virus-filled, bumps that are spread throughout the body.  Shingles involves a rash of incredibly painful, virus-filled, bumps that are focused in a horizontal strip on only one side based from the center of the body outwards.  Varicella is spread throughout the cells of the body; Zoster is concentrated in sensory nerve cells gathered in a bundle whose base is at the spine or brain.  Two very different diseases with two distinct presentations both coming from the same exact virus.

The Walker virus might similarly be a virus that causes one disease to start and then a completely different one post-reactivation.  This would further explain why no one’s figured out where the Walkers or the virus itself came from.  It’d be rather difficult to make a proper connection with a virus that enters someone’s body early in their life causing a minor illness and a disease that reanimates their corpse after their death.  With two separate presentations of the same virus it’d be somewhat logical to dismiss a possible connection at the beginning of the outbreak and, by the time the zombie apocalypse is in full swing, it’s too late to properly study a connection at all.

Of course there is also something else that the Walker and reactivated Varicella-Zoster virus have in common and that's where the infection occurs.  The Herpes Zoster rash occurs where it does because the virus has housed itself in nerve cells attached somewhere along the Central Nervous System.  After the initial chickenpox infection the virus goes dormant, hiding out along nerves, where it will cause painful inflammation when reactivated.  Likewise the Walker virus is shown to focus on the Central Nervous System - specifically the brain stem or “lizard brain” - and causes inflammation the CDC's Dr Jenner from The Walking Dead episode “TS-19” says is comparable to meningitis (something certain herpes viruses, including Varicella-Zoster, can cause).

There is, of course, no virus that is precisely like the Walker virus.  Perhaps it’s a virus that evolved naturally from one in the herpesvirus family (viruses are known to evolve over time just like any other organism) or a mixture of a number of various virus families created in some lab that was released?  Something tells me that the writers of the shows and comics will never fully explain the mysteries surrounding the virus, but that’s part of what makes the Walking Dead verse fun.  People can develop their own theories about the Walker virus, what it is, and where it came from.  One can find connections to the real world or even other fandoms.  They can imagine a mixture and/or evolution of known viruses, or some recently uncovered giant virus that (unlike past ones) is dangerously infectious to humans, or some totally new virus forming or being made, or they can imagine something else entirely.  The possibilities are as endless as the theories and all of them might have merit.

Do you have a theory on the Walker virus?  What is it?

Ode to Sociopathic Love: Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish

Many sociopaths have two relationship categories they put others into: the possessions and the exploits.  Both are important and the sociopath will work to keep both intact and in relatively good standing as long as the relationship remains beneficial...or at least does not become harmful.  Given sociopaths use everyone around them and can easily abandon even those closest to them without a second thought we need first to distinguish between possessions and exploits.  

Possessions are those the sociopath loves; the individuals they'll never completely let go, work to protect from others, and strive to both get and keep even if it might prove a risk to them.  For whatever reason those filed under possessions make the sociopath feel something consistently and deeply enough that they wish to keep them around even if they can't get everything they want out of the person.

The alternative is an exploit, which is pretty much everyone else that's useful to the sociopath.  They're to be taken advantage of until no longer beneficial and then tossed away like an empty carton of ice cream.  There's no feelings attached to these people and they get no protection outside what the sociopath might give to cover their own ass - basically if an exploit is still needed, but in trouble, the sociopath will work to help them only so they themselves don't fall into danger.  If lost in some way an exploit can usually be replaced or their absence worked around with little distress.

This categorizing of people is something Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish does in the series Game of Thrones with the four women who end up closest to him - Catelyn, Lysa, Ros, and Sansa.

Catelyn (Tully) Stark definitely qualified as a possession to Littlefinger.  It's possible she started out as an exploit - an easily accessible highborn girl he could seduce and marry to raise his status - but at some point in their childhood Littlefinger ended up legitimately falling in love with Cat.  So much so he risked his life to try and win her hand when they were young.  The clearest indication she was a possession is that he never completely let her go.  Like Hannibal Lecter with Clarice Starling in a previous piece Littlefinger had no trouble functioning for years without her in his life, but the moment she reappeared his feelings seemed to return fully.  He betrayed her husband to remain safely on the winning side, yes, but also to eliminate the competition so it's no surprise he promptly suggested they get together after the man's execution.  That he made the overture while returning Ned’s body to her showed both his lack of empathy and almost single-minded desire to have Cat for himself.  (It's really a shame the show didn't explore his initial reaction to Catelyn's murder as it might've clarified his level of caring even further - loss of a possession may arouse signs of general upset, loss of an exploit little more than a shrug of the shoulders.)

A mirror to Catleyn is her younger sister, Lysa (Tully) Arryn.  Despite (or perhaps because of) a crazy obsession with Petyr she was never his initial target for seduction and marriage, but was kept as one of his exploits instead.  I'd say favorite, but that's a strong word...maybe most valuable?  Either way Lysa's someone he remained charming to so he could get her to do important and dangerous things for him - like kill her husband and blame the wealthiest family in Westeros for it, which just happen to be some of the catalyst events for the entire series.  While Petyr kept a physical distance from her for a long time he ultimately married her when it proved more beneficial to do so.  In exchange for the marriage Petyr became Lord of the Vale, thus adding another title to the ones he'd been racking up.  Lysa, on the other hand, got shoved out the Moon Door by Petyr when she tried to kill her niece, Sansa Stark, and started to spill every secret she ever kept for him in a jealous rage.  Littlefinger felt nothing for her; he had no trouble using and then discarding her once she ceased being valuable to him.  I have little doubt he was kind to her when they were children both to appear in a good light to Catelyn and set up a beneficial relationship to play upon later, but none of his interest in Lysa was remotely genuine outside what she could do for him.

As one of his prostitutes Ros was most certainly an exploit.  Someone to make money off of even after he seemed to trust her enough with extra duties and to tutor her in his business.  Perhaps he thought her more clever than others in his employ, but he never cared about her.  She was there to gather information on clients (like any other who worked for him), assist in his paperwork, and aid in running his business when he was too busy to be hands-on himself.  That was the extent of their relationship; he had no real feelings for her outside what she was worth to him.  Petyr himself confessed - in a calm, gently-toned, speech that rivaled one of Ramsay Bolton's giddy grins in shudder-worthiness - that she was an investment and if she proved a bad one she'd go the way of a previous woman he'd sold off to be tortured (presumably) to death.  True to his word the moment she was detrimental to him Littlefinger sold Ros to Joffrey to meet the same death-by-torture fate...though I doubt it ever haunted him.

Everyone knows that Petyr has a certain affection for Sansa Stark (let the creepyship flags fly!), but whether he'd qualify her as a possession or just a very special exploit is still yet to be seen.  Their story is ongoing and many of Littlefinger's actions involving Sansa can be read multiple ways: romantic, opportunistic, or both.  His frequent references to how much she is like her mother, Catelyn, can be seen as genuine overtures to a suitable replacement for his lost love.  It can also be seen as sweet-talking an impressionable young girl to make her feel special and cared-for in a dangerous place (or five).  Killing her tormentor, King Joffrey, and stealing her away from the capital could be seen as a heroic act, but those things benefit him as well.  Helping the Tyrells get rid of Joffrey worked to solidify his alliance with them and taking off with Sansa pretty much gave him a portable ace up his sleeve.  Marrying her off to Ramsay was a smart move for Petyr because it helps him cover even more of his bases as wars continuously break out, but it was ultimately a terrible one for Sansa.  The question is: did Petyr knowingly marry Sansa to a sadist rivaling Joffery without caring for her safety or did his simply miscalculate?  The truth is unless Petyr is made aware of Sansa's time at Winterfell and current status (whatever that may be, thanks cliffhanger!) it's impossible to tell.  But if she's a possession he will likely go after her to repair any damage to their relationship as well as seek revenge upon the Boltons if at all possible; if she's an exploit he'll likely still go after her so long as she's a valuable asset, but revenge is unlikely unless it benefits him as well.  Only time will tell…

Back To School Safety: Bullying

School's here folks!  Time to learn new things and get a refresher course in the classics for those of every age.  It also means that new and old safety concerns will arise depending on the grade level your child is going into.  One in particular seems pervasive in all grades though...bullying.  Sometimes it even goes beyond the standard K-12 and, sadly, there's no magic wand or trick to rid oneself of the problem.  It happens.  Kids can be a bully, a victim, or even both.  Whatever category they fall into there are things to help prevent bullying, signs to look out for, and things to do if you suspect it's occurring.

(In order to keep things simple I'm going to stick to lists; lists for books, school supplies, classes, and now safety.)

Prevention

Prevent your child from becoming a VICTIM:

• Instill self-confidence in your child - a confident child is less likely to be seen as an easy target
• Help your child establish good social skills - bullies aren't going to go after a child who is well liked and has friends that'll stand up for them
• Teach your child to speak out for him or herself - bullies tend to target those who fold easily, run away, and/or stay silent so a child who stands up and speaks out is less likely to be a target
• Tell your child that they should seek help from you and other caring adults if harassed - at the very least someone else, someone with more power, is being made aware of the problem

Prevent your child from becoming a BULLY:

• Present yourself as a model of non-violent behavior - children model themselves after the key adults in their lives so, if you're not a bully, they're less likely to be one
• Clearly state that violence is not acceptable
• Assist your child in finding non-violent strategies for anger management and conflict resolution - some kids just aren't emotionally mature enough to keep from lashing out so need to be taught more constructive alternatives
• Seek help from mental health/school counselors to help stop bullying and aggressive behavior - sometimes things are beyond your control and seeking outside help may be the best option

Signs

A child being bullied may often:

• Withdraw socially; "lose" friends without apparent cause - bullies will frequently try and isolate a victim from whatever friends they have (often via rumors or bullying those around their key victim) in order to further dominate the victim
• Feel isolated, alone, and sad
• Feel picked on or persecuted - both because they are and because it's likely that others aren't sticking up for him/her even if aware of the bullying
• Feel rejected and not liked - again, because it's unlikely others are sticking up for him/her even if aware or a witness to the bullying
• Complain of illness - because they are getting sick from stress and/or so they don't have to go to school
• Not want to go to school; avoid certain classes or skip school altogether - they're avoiding the bully
• Bring home damaged possessions or report them “lost” - the bully having either damaged or taken them
• Cry easily; display mood swings and/or talk of hopelessness
• Talk about running away
• Talk of suicide
• Threaten violence to self and/or others
• Have changes in eating and/or sleeping patterns
• Take or attempt to take “protection” to school (a stick, knife, gun, etc.)
• Display “victim” body language: hang head, hunch shoulders, avoid eye contact

A bully may often:

• Seek to dominate and/or manipulate others
• Enjoy feeling powerful and in control (whether they really are or not)
• Be a poor winner (boastful and arrogant) and/or a poor loser (aggressive and threatening)
• Seem to derive satisfaction from other’s fears, discomfort, or pain
• Be good at hiding behaviors or do them when/where adults can’t notice
• Be excited/entertained by conflicts between others
• Blame others for his/her problems
• Display uncontrollable anger
• Display patterns of impulsive and chronic hitting, intimidating, and/or other aggressive behaviors
• Have a history of discipline problems
• Have a history of violent and aggressive behaviors
• Display intolerance and prejudice towards others
• Use drugs, alcohol, and/or be a member of a gang
• Lack empathy towards others

Key side note on signs of a bully: the bullies of yesteryear are on their way out.  Frequently the bullies of today are popular, well-liked by teachers and fellow students, and at first glance may lack many of the signs listed above.  They are not always the "bad kids" who've been in trouble repeatedly for aggressive or illicit activities; though many of the emotional and/or psychological aspects (such as enjoying power and control and having a lack of empathy towards others) will remain the same.  This is important to keep in mind when confronting any bullying issue.

It (Might've) Happened...Now What?

If you suspect your child is being bullied:

• Make sure your child knows being bullied is not his or her fault - it's both common and normal for any victim to think they brought the attack upon themselves in some way
• Let your child know that he or she does not have to face being bullied alone - family, school staff, and peers are all there as support (current or potential)
• Discuss ways of responding to bullies - this should not include responding aggressively; fighting will likely just get them in trouble as well and, if school staff isn't aware of the situation, they may end up seeing the victim as the bully.  Instead discuss the options listed below:

• Teach your child to be assertive - assertive people are less likely to be bullied in general

• Tell your child not to react, but to walk away (preferably to the nearest adult) - bullies are looking for a reaction, if they don't get one they may move on/give up (and if pursued then your child will find safety and witnesses in the presence of an adult)

• Tell your child to report bullying immediately to a trusted adult - once people are informed about the problem further steps can be taken

• Contact the school/teacher - for the same reason mentioned above...and, no matter who they tell, remind the victim that telling is not "tattling"

If you think your child is a bully:

• Be sure that your child knows any form of bullying is not acceptable behavior
• Explain to your child the penalties for bullying and be sure to enforce them fairly and consistently
• Help your child learn alternative ways to deal with anger and frustration
• Teach and reward more appropriate behavior
• Work out a way for your child to make amends for the bullying
• Help your child develop an understanding of the impact of their bullying on the target
• Seek help or counseling if the behavior continues
• Stay clam, especially if contacted by the school or another child's parent/guardian; try not to become angry and/or defensive.  Make sure to really listen and be objective.  Remember this is ultimately about the well-being of your child as much as any other child involved

One other thing I want to touch on is the newest version of bullying that's becoming increasingly popular...Cyberbullying.  This is a form of bullying done online and via cellphones that can include everything from name-calling and threats to creating pages to bash the victim and fake profiles to impersonate others (such as the victim or a boy/girl interested in the victim).  Those who cyberbully can be different than the average bully due to the anonymity that being online and/or on a cellphone can provide.  Rather than pretend to understand all its intricacies and/or risk expanding this piece far beyond the "quick read" I intend here are a few sites specifically on cyberbullying for those interested:

• Stop Cyberbullying
  
• Cyber-Bullying Prevention
  
• Cyberbullying.org
  
• MetLife Defender: Online Child Safety - this site has a range of articles dealing with cyberbullying along with other potential online dangers.  They also have an Anti-Bullying App available that may help you uncover potential cyberbullying involving your child.  The articles are free and they offer a 30-day free trial for their MetLife Defender plan (which has the app).  ...And just to be clear no one's paying me to mention the site or app, they just seem potentially useful tools for the concerned parent.

An Analysis of Walter White: It's All About Me!!

So a married, middle-aged, high school chemistry teacher with a disabled teen son and infant daughter on the way is already floundering financially when he finds out he's got cancer...what does he do?  Start a meth business with a drug-addicted former student of his to ultimately become an international drug kingpin, of course.  Fascinating character arch, but who on Earth would do such a thing?  What kind of man would go from mild-mannered to cold-blooded in the course of about a year?  A man like Walter White, apparently, which brings us to the question...what kind of man IS Walter White? 

First and foremost, he's incredibly intelligent...in fact he's a genius with a Nobel Prize and yet somehow only a high school teacher.  (No, I'm not knocking teachers, I'm just saying Walter White strikes me as the type who'd typically be in a lab curing the cancer he has and, more importantly, I believe Walt would agree.)  He's a family man who feels the need to ensure his wife, Skylar, and children, Walt Jr (aka Flynn) and Holly, are financially secure when he's dead; a point he makes frequently and I don't doubt.  He wants/needs to be remembered as a good man and being a good provider for his family follows right along with that.  Walt is also kind of full of himself, empathy-impaired, and has a fluid concept of morality.  These last personality traits are hard to see under the meek nerves and Ned Flanders appearance he has in the first episodes, but they're there.

Upon first being told he has cancer Walt tries to keep it secret - he says to not worry loved ones, but it's possible he merely didn't want to seem weak and/or be pitied.  Skylar eventually finds out though and tells the rest of the family at which point they throw an emotional intervention to demand Walt go for treatment.  Walt says no, that it is illogical to spend money on treatment that merely prolongs an inevitable death.  His wife must explain to him that the request isn’t about the logistics of lengthening life, but the emotional value of being with loved ones a little longer.  Walt also argues that he wants to make the decision for himself (because, according to him, he so rarely gets to make his own choices), to which Skylar again must point out that this decision doesn't just involve him...he has to think about her and their children, for one.  He's the one with the cancer, yes, but its presence and what he chooses to do about it affects everyone around him.  ...Whether to be seen as the good husband and father or just to cut the discussion short Walt ultimately agrees to go for treatment.

Early on it's shown that Walt’s views of right and wrong are pretty flexible.  When he joins his brother-in-law, Hank, on a DEA ride-along and sees former student, Jesse Pinkman, escaping a raid he says nothing.  Could be shock, sure, but Walt never says anything.  Instead he approaches the young man with a business proposition - join forces to make and sell crystal meth.  When it seems Jesse might decline Walt blackmails him: work with me or I'll turn you in.  After a deadly altercation with a bunch of drug dealers Jesse is horrified, disgusted, and filled with guilt at having to dissolve an already dead man while Walt, who is actually responsible for all the deaths involved, is less phased by it all.  Okay, yes, in the moment Walt's pretty freaked out about strangling a guy to death, but it quickly fades.  That very night he has passionate (possibly slightly more aggressive than usual) sex with his wife.  Jesse’s reactions are pretty typical, Walt’s not so much.

So, seriously, what is Walter White’s deal?  Many have suggested sociopathy.  I get that.  Overall lack of empathy and flexible morality that grows in the criminal world until Walt is a man capable of poisoning children and ordering multiple, simultaneous, hits to get what he wants.  Sounds pretty sociopathic.  There’s also the high IQ and the "aren't I the best?" attitude, both of which Walt has and are common in sociopaths.  Add a tendency to lie, lack of insight, unreliability, lack of remorse, criminality (meth business!), and absence of any of his behaviors being due to delusions (outside that of grandeur) or any other psychological issues you'd think that would be that.  Walt's a sociopath.  But...no.  Sorry, there's some problems with Mr White getting that label.

First off, when compared to other sociopathic types in the show Walt doesn’t even come close.  Take Gus Fring.  At first sight Gus is calm, meticulous, and all about his business.  He pretty much remains that way no matter what the situation...he might do some wild things (walking into a hail of bullets with the classic "come at me, bro" posture), but it's always a calculated move.  All his moves are carefully thought out and calmly executed in order for him to get ahead.  He politely refuses to work with Walt at first because he considers Jesse's drug use (and probably emotionality) too great a liability, but when it suits him better to align with Walt and Jesse he does.  When he no longer considers Walt an asset he is perfectly fine not only in severing their business relationship, but killing Walt and his entire family if need be.  It's all strictly business for Gus.

The difference is most clear in the way these two kill - not the murders-by-order, but the do-it-yourself ones.  Gus does two total and both show him as the ruthless, calculating, dead-eyed sociopath he really is.  One involves poisoning just about everyone at a drug lord pool party, including himself.  It's part business, part personal, planned to the smallest detail, and so batshit insane it actually works.  The other (and chronologically first) is when Gus calmly puts on a hazmat-style suit, picks up a boxcutter, and slits his own henchman's throat in front of Walt, Jesse, and Mike without provocation or seeming cause - outside a threat of "do not disrespect me", perhaps.  While the rest are equal parts horrified and terrified Gus doesn’t even blink; he could’ve just as easily been cutting a sandwich in two.  I can't recall Walt ever doing anything close to that.  He directly kills far more people, but most seem to fall into two categories: threats like the dealer he choked out in the basement (the man was ready to stab Walt) or victims of Walt’s explosive rage concerning blows to his ego like Mike (poor Mike).

I'll grant that Walt learns a fair amount of sociopathic behaviors and traits from Gus - calmly setting up simultaneous murders, having a flat(ter)-affect when speaking under certain circumstances, brushing off the murders of children, and possibly vomiting like a gentleman (according to certain fan theories) - but he still strikes me as ultimately too emotional.  Not about others necessarily, but about himself.  As mentioned Walt’s violence - when not a case of defense - usually stems from rage due to a blow to his ego.  There’s no blank-faced slicing of throats from Walt, it’s all whatever works in the moment often mixed in with screaming, wrestling, and/or throwing things.  Whatever other motives people think Walt might’ve had in killing Mike the main one appeared to be two parts, both to do with ego: 1) Mike insulted/belittled him - which is the main one in my opinion - and 2) Mike didn’t give Walt what he wanted.

And by now I'm sure you're screaming at the screen: "Then what the f**k is he?!  Tell me!!"

My best guess is Walter White is actually a narcissist.  Closely related to sociopath and with similar characteristics at times, but not the same thing.  Sociopaths are known to be narcissistic, yes, but not at the same level or even in the same ways.  Sociopaths like to think they’re gods, but acknowledge at least to themselves they have some shortcomings while narcissists can't.  A narcissist needs to be seen as the best, sociopaths don't give two shits about what others think of them.  They don't need applause; they like it, sure, but do not need it.  A sociopath may carefully construct another's downfall (like Gus with Don Eladio), but a narcissist will explode in the moment (like Walt with Jesse, Mike, and numerous others).

Just from those distinctions alone one can see Walter White's more narcissist than sociopath.  Walt seems to truly believe he’s a perfect person and wants, needs, everyone to believe and acknowledge that.  Any threat to his image as a good man or criminal is met with great, sometimes near uncontrollable, upset on his part.  Any mistakes or failures on Walt's part are brushed off onto others (frequently Jesse) or as a matter of circumstances beyond anyone's control.  He continued in the meth business not for the money, not even for the power, but to stroke his own ego.  Being the best became a point of pride to Walt that he couldn't let go.

If you look at the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder you can see aspects of Walter White's personality throughout.  According to the description in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) NPD symptoms are as follows:

A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifested by:

1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):

a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.

b. Self-direction: Goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of own motivations.

AND

2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):

a. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over- or underestimate of own effect on others.

b. Intimacy: Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation; mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others' experiences and predominance of a need for personal gain

B. Pathological personality traits in the following domain:

1. Antagonism, characterized by:

a. Grandiosity: Feelings of entitlement, either overt or covert; self-centeredness; firmly holding to the belief that one is better than others; condescending toward others.

b. Attention seeking: Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of the attention of others; admiration seeking.

C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations. 

D. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual's developmental stage or socio-cultural environment. 

E. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma).

So the last three (C, D, E) we can check off straight away...Walt's personality cannot be dismissed as the result of normal development, socio-cultural environment, substances, or a medical condition.  Yes, Walt's got cancer and gets chemo, but those do not account for his personality during the show and it's shown in flash backs that he was probably always this way.  Now let's break the rest of the symptoms down and see how Mr White's personality fits.

Impairments in self functioning - Identity or Self-direction:  Does your self-esteem depend on how others see you?  Do you think you're the greatest thing since Coca-Cola or the scum of the Earth...or rapidly switch between both?  Does control over your own emotions depend upon your self-esteem?  (or)  Are your goals based on getting others to like you?  Are your personal standards super high because you think you're awesome enough to achieve them or super low because you feel entitled to just be given things without the work?  Do you do things without honestly knowing why you do them?

I bet his answers would all align along yes if Walt was being honest.  One can easily see that control of his emotions weighs heavily on his self-esteem, which in turn depends greatly on others' opinions of him.  The better he feels about himself the better control Walt has over his emotions, but when his ego is attacked he tends to explode.  Mike's murder was one example: it wasn't a pre-planned kill, but a reaction, and given there were no signs of desperate panic when he pulled the trigger it's safe to assume Walt was just reacting to the attacks on his ego.  It's neither the first nor last time Walt does this either: when Skylar shows fear for his safety Walt snaps, rants, and angrily declares "I AM THE DANGER" and when former partners dismiss his involvement in their once-shared technology company, Gray Matter, Walt leaves hiding to go on a few final ego-boosting adventures that include threatening said former partners.

As far as his personal standards one need to look no farther than the conversation he has with Jesse where he says: "...You asked me if I was in the meth business or the money business...neither.  I'm in the empire business."

Oh and, of course, it takes Walt the whole series to finally acknowledge his true motives:  "I did it for me.  I liked it.  I was good at it..."  Years and years of claiming he was only in the drug business to ensure his family would be financially secure after his death and, finally, he acknowledges the truth.  A relief to his wife, but also a sign that Walter wasn't self-aware enough to even recognize his own motives until the end.

Impairments in interpersonal functioning - Empathy or Intimacy:  Do you have trouble understanding the feelings or needs of others?  Are you super into reading others reactions, but only as it relates to you?  Do you think you're always the catalyst for others or that what you do has no real influence on others?  (or)  Are most your relationships with others mainly shallow and only there to keep your self-esteem up?  Are your relationships at a superficial level because you have little actual interest in the other person and are focused on what you can gain from them instead?

Again, I'm imagining a lot of yeses for Walt.  Given we already covered Walt's empathy issues let's skip to relationships...specifically the one with meth-partner, Jesse Pinkman, since that's the main relationship he has throughout the show.  Their relationship starts when Walt blackmails Jesse into starting a meth business together so, right off the bat, it's about what Jesse can do for Walt.  It never really improves.  Walt is constantly berating and belittling Jesse for something, whether a minor glitch in thinking (keys in the ignition) or not seeing things as Walt does (Gus is just using Jesse to keep Walt working for him).  Even after stating that they're partners Walt treats Jesse as an inferior...not only because he still views Jesse as such, but because abusing Jesse makes him feel better about himself - essentially Jesse becomes a "stupid junky loser" puppy Walt can kick around whenever frustrated.

Their dysfunctional relationship feeds Walt’s ego so that he ultimately does some pretty immoral things to ensure Jesse stays with him.  How can one be sure it’s not some kind of twisted, obsessed, “if I can’t have Jesse then no one else can”, father-son/familial love?  I confess, one can’t…but given Walt never really asks Jesse anything about his own life that seems hugely unlikely ("what's your problem, why won't you cook?" doesn't count, that's all about what Walt wants).  You can't have a deep bond with another person if you don't actually care to know anything about them beyond your one mutual interest.  Walt may think he loves Jesse like a son, but how can he if his relationship with the young man is pretty much just based around their meth business?  (Also, honestly, look at the relationship he has with his actual son.  It's about as shallow: they have breakfast, hang out every once in a while, and that's about it...the deepest conversations they have are tainted by the fact that Walt's hiding a double life.)

Pathological personality traits in...Grandiosity and Attention Seeking:  Do you feel entitled to the best?  Is it all about you?  (Again) Do you think you're the greatest thing since Coca-Cola?  Are you super snarky towards others?  Do you work super hard to be the center of attention all the time?  Do you seek admiration?

Walt literally said "It's all about me!" once so he's obviously going to be racking up the affirmatives here.  (True, at that point he happened to be right, but he didn't know that and it seems a steady mindset of his anyhow.)  We already discussed how frequently he condescends to Jesse, but he doesn't just act that way towards his business partner.  From his wife to his adversaries Walt has a tendency to give speeches that contain phrases like "let's think this through" or "do you honestly think" with the intent of demeaning and mocking the other person's feelings and intelligence.  There is no doubt he has a brilliant mind and can cook high-grade meth - which honestly only feeds his narcissism - but to start he really isn’t anything special crime-wise.  He barely survives his first weeks in the criminal world and survives the following months due in no small part to the help of others around him and sheer luck.  Yet Walt has a consistent attitude of superiority.

Now a quick word about Heisenberg.  Not as a separate entity from Walt - they're obviously the same person - but as the mask behind which Walt can satisfy all his desires for attention and admiration.  While Heisenberg might've first come as a way to hide Walter's true identity (and thus protect his family) from unsavory associates like Tuco, it fast becomes a point of pride.  Heisenberg is a mysterious, dangerous, drug-lord with the purist meth ever seen; Heisenberg is a man to be feared and respected.  Heisenberg can and will do whatever he must to be the best and everyone better know that unless they want to go the way of previous local and international drug kingpins like Krazy-8 Molina, Tuco (and Hector) Salamanca, and Gustavo Fring.  The pinnacle of ego-boosts via this name comes with the now infamous "Say my name" scene.  Walt NEEDS to hear his drug "colleague" Declan say that now world-famous moniker.  Heisenberg.  Is that narcissism?  ...You're goddamn right.

Hero to Villain: The Journey of Rick Grimes?

In his book I Wear the Black Hat Chuck Klosterman defines a villain as someone who "knows the most, but cares the least".  Makes sense.  The hero often knows only a fraction of what the villain does and one already assumes the hero cares the most while the villain cares little if at all.  As a story progresses the hero may learn more, but usually that only pushes him or her to care all the more.  This definition can also become rather dynamic if, by the end, it is the hero that knows the most, but cares the least.  Has hero become villain?  For example: Could Walking Dead's Rick Grimes be considered a villain at the end of Season 5??  ...Perhaps...

In the beginning there is no argument that Sheriff's Deputy Rick Grimes is a hero.  The hero.  An honorable man who falls into a coma after being shot while performing his honorable job.  A man thrown into the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse without any idea of what's going on or what to do about it when he wakes up.  He sees gore and chaos everywhere without understanding why and, in an attempt to grasp what's happening, gets a little too close to a hospital door that warns "DON'T OPEN DEAD INSIDE" before Walker fingers start to reach out for him.  Rick's knowledge really doesn't increase as he manages to get out of the hospital and in the direction of his home.  He's so naive he waves to a Walker slouching towards him thinking it a regular person.  Ultimately fellow survivor Morgan has to help him orient himself to Walkers and what's happened to the world as a result of their appearance.  Basically, Rick Grimes knows the least.

Because this is all horrifically new to him, Rick Grimes also cares the most.  He cares about all the signs of violence, about each of the innumerable dead covering the streets, about what people have done in their panic, and about what might have happened to his town and those in it.  He cares that those who witnessed the dissolution of society seem to not care; that they are so willing to turn their backs on and even attack others.  And of course he cares about what might've happened to his loved ones...his wife (Lori), son (Carl), and friends.  

Even after he gets situated in this new world - reuniting with his family and settling into the eclectic group that also includes his former partner and friend, Shane - Rick remains somewhat behind compared to the rest.  He's playing catchup both on information and processing what he learns while everyone else has moved on and are looking ahead.

This is never clearer when he is compared to Shane.  Shane who saw society break down, people turn on each other, kill each other without consideration, right in front of him.  Shane who no doubt witnessed so much chaos in those weeks/months Rick was out that by the time they see each other again he's numbed to it.  He's already had to survive in this new Walker-ridden world long enough he's used it.  He's moved on to pure, animalistic, survival instincts.  So much so when (presumed-dead) Rick's reappearance threatens Shane's set-up as leader of the group and new patriarch of the Grimes family he has little trouble making the decision that his old friend and partner has to go.

Truth is, when it comes to who lives and dies Shane never seems to have much trouble deciding.  He will always pick himself first.  He is more than willing to leave behind or outright kill others.  Should others die so that he can live, so that he can get what's needed, is fine with him.  He's not about to risk his life and the lives of those he cares for (Lori and Carl).  Shane wants to burn Hershel's barn full of Walkers, he wants to kill a youth leftover from a gunfight, and he doesn't see the need for debate.  A Wallker-filled barn and kid who can lead less-reputable/more-dangerous men to the group are threats and threats have to be eliminated.  No question.  No debate.  Just do it and move on.

For that same period of time, virtually the whole first two seasons, Rick has the opposite of this mindset.  Rick is still a sheriff's deputy at heart.  He wants to save everyone he can.  He'll leave no man, woman, or child behind.  He gives the vast majority of people the benefit of the doubt, even when it might risk his group's safety.  Rick might dislike Hershel's rules, might disagree with his belief that Walkers are merely sick people, but Rick respects the man's wishes while at his farm.  When disagreements occur he is open to discussion and debate; he believes the group should run as a democracy and actions should not be taken until there's at least a majority consensus.  Even threats should, if possible, be peacefully removed as opposed to violently eliminated.

As time passes a LOT of shit happens actually...a lot of crazy shit.  There are countless losses in the continuously growing and shrinking group: Ed (Carol's husband), Amy (Andrea's sister), Jim (bitten and left on side of the road), Jacqui (blew up with CDC building), Sophia (Carol's daughter), Dale, Shane, T-Dog (an original member), Lori, Merle, Andrea, Karen (Carol killed and set on fire), Hershel, Mika and Lizzie (girls Carol cared for), Bob ("tainted meat!!"), Beth, Tyreese, and Noah...and I'm not including those tangentially related to the group, but who still had an affect on them.

The group also comes across a great many different adversaries and all of them make Shane seem like a pretty reasonable fellow.  From The Governor and his followers to The Claimers to the cannibals of Terminus to a dysfunctional hospital run by Officer Dawn Lerner...each alone is enough to lose one's faith in humanity.  Each have their own version of madness and dangerousness that reflects the now Walker-filled world.  Each one teaches Rick that the concepts of fairness, decency, and altruism are lost.  So lost as to be dangerous if one still follows them blindly.  His old ways of doing things are over and he needs to adapt or die.  The laws he built his whole life on are gone, now it's the laws of nature that rule and they are brutal.

Given all this it's little surprise that Rick Grimes grows increasingly darker over the seasons.   Less likely to trust even after some standard vetting - "How many Walkers have you killed?  How many people have you killed?  Why?".  Less likely to respect everyone's opinion both outside and within his group - the phrase Ricktatorship popping up with increasing frequency amongst fans as seasons progress.  What Rick does grow more of is quick and brutal in acting against a threat.  Potentially dangerous individuals are, at best, given the chance to leave the group's presence with agreements not to approach again, but if that offer is refused or otherwise disregarded Rick and crew are sure to completely eliminate them.  Rick also grows more jaded.  The horrors that shocked him before barely register and leaving no one behind is an antiquated notion.

(This last fact is best shown when Rick, Carl, and Michonne drive past a man with a backpack screaming for help without even considering picking him up and when they pass him again, dead and half-eaten by Walkers, they have no reaction.  Picking up a stranger is high risk and a half-eaten guy is the same as trash on the side of the road...so common it goes unnoticed.)

Yet it isn't until he and his group meet Aaron and the other Alexandrians that Rick Grimes starts to truly slip into Klosterman's definition of a villain.

After over a year out in the Walker-entrenched world Rick knows a great deal more than when he woke up in his hospital bed.  He knows how Walkers "live", how they can be killed, and how people become them.  He's learned the best and safest places to get supplies, how to avoid Walkers when killing them would be the greater risk, and the type of person that needs to be eliminated before they become too great a threat.  He knows that staying alive means being willing to kill, that people will take advantage of another's weakness, and that while you shouldn't link up with just anyone out there you shouldn't be all on your own either.  Rick Grimes knows this new world all too well and that's one of the main reasons the Alexandrians are so interested in having him and his crew join them.  It's for all those reasons (and a spotted kind gesture by Daryl towards the rest of the group) that Aaron first approaches him.

When Aaron initially shows himself to the group he's knocked out by Rick within the first few minutes.  Rick isn't interested in the latest "stay with us, it'll be great, so safe!" pitch about a community - the last one tried to eat him.  Greeting Aaron this way is rather unfair given he made no threatening actions, but that doesn't seem to cross Rick's mind.  (Even if it did, he clearly didn't care.)  And while Aaron knows a bit from his recognizance he's still uncertain what'll happen when he comes to them with his offer of Alexandria while Rick and the others seem to have at least a basic plan already in place if anyone approaches with such an offer.   ...In this first meeting of Aaron and the group Rick's the bad guy, even if understandably.

Rick doesn't exactly improve his behavior or mindset once in Alexandria either.  While the group takes up empty houses and seems to accept the offer of staying they are all still on edge.  Untrusting.  Again, understandably.  What's interesting though is when Rick is questioned as to what the group will do if the Alexandrians don't listen to them and things go south he bluntly states: "...then we'll just take this place".   Sounds more like something Shane would say.  As does the speech Rick gives all of Alexandria mid-fight with Pete (a.k.a. Porch Dick).  A speech that, ultimately, proclaims he doesn't give a single fuck what anyone else thinks, feels, or wants...his way is THE ONLY way.  Alexandria should, will, be that fan-popular phrase...a Ricktatorship.

Compared to the Alexandrians, Rick is almost the definition of a villain.  He knows infinitely more and while they care deeply about democracy, decency, fairness, and are shaken by every death...Rick not so much.

Now it's easy to balk and say: well OF COURSE he'd fit the Klosterman definition, who wouldn't after that long out in the Walker world?!  To that I respond: Morgan and Daryl.  Both men have been through similar - if not the same - experiences as Rick and both seem to still care a great deal more.  Morgan believes all life is valuable and therefore refuses to kill any of The Wolves that attack him and even honks a horn to ensure no Walkers are around when he leaves them unconscious in a car.  When Morgan comes upon Rick as he kills Pete his face is one of confusion and horror.  Meanwhile Daryl came into the group with his brother, Merle, planning to rob them and dash, but he grew to care for them...by Season 5 it is an act of caring from him that signals to Aaron the group would be a good fit for Alexandria.  Daryl, unlike Rick, seems to have grown to care more instead of less.

Even beyond the Klosterman definition Rick's still pretty villainous by the end of Season 5.  He's got no interest in others opinions, feelings, morals, or even rights.  He's violent and volatile.  He gets so out-of-control aggressive that his own people knock him out lest he get himself (and possibly the rest of them) kicked out of Alexandria.

That being said I have little doubt that deep down Rick is still a good man.  That he does still care and not just about his own family - biological and adopted both - but about humanity as a whole.  That, if they let him, he will protect those in Alexandria as fiercely as he does his group.  Whether or not this will happen remains to be seen, but we as viewers can hope.  ...Hope he's given the chance to show he can change and be the hero once again.