Walker Apocalypse Love

Lately there’s been a lot of coupling going on in the Walker apocalypse.  Maybe it’s that Rick’s people are starting to settle into a fair sense of security or maybe it’s because love and romance always raise the stakes in a TV show…Or maybe it’s just psychosocially accurate.  Over the years there have been studies showing that intense situations and intense conversations can make those around you more attractive.  When someone is keyed up, scared, in fear for their safety and/or life, they fall into attraction more easily and more strongly than when not…basically, when you’re fighting for survival in the apocalypse you’re way more likely to fall in love too.  Simply being close to someone on a near constant basis can also cause attraction, just as being exposed to a person over and over can.  Really, it’s no wonder the characters on The Walking Dead are pairing up like those in an ark.

Scaring Up Some Love:

In 1974 psychologists Donald Dutton and Arthur Aron did an experiment in which they asked men to cross either an unsteady suspension bridge or regular sturdy bridge, then fill out a survey and make up a story based on an illustration of a woman covering her face given by a female on the other side.  The female then gave each man a contact number should they have any other questions.  Those who crossed the fear-inducing suspension bridge called the woman back 50% of the time and were more likely to sexualize their story of the illustration; the guys who crossed the non-fear-inducing sturdy bridge only called 12.5% of the time and their stories were less likely to be sexual.  …Basically the study found if you’re a bit rattled then you’re a bit aroused and thus more likely to make a move should you meet someone.

So how does this translate to Rick and the crew hacking their way through the undead and alive alike?  Think of Rick and Michonne’s first time: Both had been dealing with some intense, potentially dangerous, situations before meeting up at the end of that day…

Rick and Daryl had been out on a supply run most of the day, contending with a previously unknown man called Jesus who stole their truck.  Was Jesus dangerous?  Potentially.  He was certainly a thief who got Rick and Daryl’s hearts pounding and blood boiling as they chased one another around for miles.  Meanwhile Michonne spent the day walking the woods outside Alexandria worrying about Spencer doing something dangerous and ultimately facing off against a Walker Deanna.  While perhaps less physically arousing than Rick’s day it would still be emotionally so.  She would still be keyed up, as it were.  This means, by the end of the day, we’ve got two (now safe enough to not panic) geared up people who have always been comfortable with one another crashing on a couch and wanting to unwind.  It’s honestly not too shocking that their initial platonic touch quickly escalates to intimate on both their parts.

Need another example?  How about Carl and Enid getting super close in that tree?  After hanging out with Enid just outside the walls of Alexandria a fair number of Walkers approach causing them to have to run and hide in a tree.  It’s when they’re relatively safe and well-hidden, but still close enough to danger to make hearts pound, that Carl finally moves to touch her.  (Too bad they didn’t kiss, am I right?)

Baring Your Soul to Bond:

In 1977 those same two psychologists did another experiment concerning attraction…this time they “made” it in a lab.  On the basis of 36 increasingly probing questions they were able to get two people who’d never met before to bond strongly and deeply enough that they wished to meet again outside the experiment.  And Dutton and Aron accomplished it in under an hour.  No matter the genders, races, orientations, or whatnot of the individuals a deep bond was made.  (This was compared to a control group in which pairs were made to ask and answer less emotionally intense questions such as: “What gifts did you receive last Christmas/Hanukkah?  What foreign country would you most like to visit? What attracts you to this place?”)  The experiment itself has been done repeatedly, in various different forms, throughout the years and the results have held true consistently…Aron even stated that in doing a “cross-gendered” version of his experiment the people fell in love, married, and remained so (as of 2008).

How’s this work on The Walking Dead?  Well I don’t think I’d be going out on a limb here to suggest that over the year plus that Rick’s group has been together they’ve shared a lot about themselves with one another.  We know from the latest episode that Tobin knows Carol was a mom, so it’s likely Carol’s discussed the emotionally charged topic of losing Sophia (and maybe the truth about Ed?) even if he initially learned only from watching her Alexandria entry interview.  It’s possible Tobin shared how he lost his family, which I believe included a wife and children.  He also stated he admires that she is still very much a mother figure to those around her, which is both complimentary in a genuine and unusual (for her these days) manner and brushes up against the emotionality of her having been a mother.

In a larger sense all the characters have revealed personal bits and pieces about themselves to one another on-screen, whether it be what they had hoped for pre-apocalypse versus now, their regrets, their losses, what they see (good or bad) in others and how they relate to it.  There have also been examples of characters discovering deeply private things about one another through other means.  While searching for Beth in season five both Carol and Daryl witness sides of one another not previously seen.  One of the potentially most bonding things (though never actually discussed between the two of them) is when Carol sees a book on how to heal from childhood abuse fall from Daryl’s bag.  While Carol’s abuse was never hidden thanks to her husband hitting her in front of the group in season one Daryl always made the effort to hide it - even from his elder brother, Merle.  Carol having this knowledge and Daryl knowing she does could’ve, potentially, made their already close bond ever closer.  (Sadly for the Darol/Caryl fans their romantic potential has not panned out, but you can’t deny they’re still ride-or-die close!)

Close Enough to Care:

Propinquity specifically refers to the physical or psychological proximity between people; it can mean physical proximity, a kinship between people, or a similarity in nature between things (think “birds of a feather”).  Rick’s crew - and nearly any other group on the show - is ALL about ALL the various forms of propinquity.  There are three main forms: Occupational propinquity, which has to do with people working in the same field/job, residential propinquity where people living in the same area or within neighborhoods of each other tend to bond, and acquaintance propinquity when friends tend to have a special bond of interpersonal attraction.

I’ll take on the last first: Acquaintance propinquity is basically the idea behind two besties falling in love.  They already like each other, already hang out together, so take the next seemingly logical step in becoming romantic partners.  It’s Rick and Michonne, even according to Lauren Cohan, who plays Maggie Greene.  When asked on Talking Dead what the rest of the group likely thought about seeing the two as a couple she said it might’ve thrown them for a split second, but then completely made sense.  Like when two of your friends fall in love with each other…it’s an “oh, well, of course they did!”  

Occupational propinquity is the basis for office romances or two artists falling in love.  Their professional lives are very similar and they have the opportunity to meet and bond over what they do for work.  Outside the shared “job” of killing Walkers and surviving there are a few, more specific, examples of this sort of bond/relationship on the show including Abraham and Rosita.  Or, if you’d like, Abraham, Rosita, and Eugene.  The trio all entered the show with a strong bond based on the shared mission of getting Eugene to DC in order to stop the Walker-causing virus.  Even after Eugene revealed he’d lied and the mission went bust they remained almost inseparable.  While Abraham has somewhat parted from this bond it is in no small part because of another instance of occupational propinquity: he and Sasha got close while leading a section of the mega herd from Alexandria (and surviving ambushes by the Saviors).

The third propinquity is residential, which explains almost everyone’s relationship on the show since the apocalypse.  Those within communities such as Alexandria and Hilltop pairing off would shock no one given they see each other every day just as anyone in a pre-apocalypse neighborhood might.  The same holds for Rick’s group as some of them have been side-by-side, every day, for more than a year.  While to start many in Rick’s group had no discernible reason to even get along — Daryl was a “redneck” who initially arrived with his brother to rip the group off, Glenn was a scrawny Asian pizza guy, Rick an Alpha male cop, and Carol an abused housewife — now they’re all a family.  A great deal of that is likely the result of having lived together for so long.

A more generalized concept of propinquity is the familiarity principle, a.k.a. the exposure effect, which states that being repeatedly exposed to something - or in this case some one - makes one more likely to like the thing or person.  An example would be not being sure about a new song, but after listening to it a few more times deciding it’s quite a catchy tune.  For a social example think about meeting someone new at school/work/through a mutual friend and then, after running into them a few more times, you find they’re actually pretty funny and cool to hang out with.  It doesn’t always happen, of course, but tends to more than not.  And it explains why, over the last episode or two, Rick and Daryl have warmed up to Jesus…they’re getting used to him the more they spend time with him. 

Mix and Make Relationships:

Of course, it’s never just one of these influences that creates a relationship - not in everyday life and not in the Walker apocalypse - but they all work together to aid in the growth and development of bonds between people.  They explain how people who might otherwise never  even meet would form bonds stronger than those of blood relations in a post-apocalyptic world such as that shown in The Walking Dead.  It explains most of the relationships on the show and why some fan-favorite “ships” totally make sense even if they haven’t happened.

Ode to Sociopathic Love: Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish

Many sociopaths have two relationship categories they put others into: the possessions and the exploits.  Both are important and the sociopath will work to keep both intact and in relatively good standing as long as the relationship remains beneficial...or at least does not become harmful.  Given sociopaths use everyone around them and can easily abandon even those closest to them without a second thought we need first to distinguish between possessions and exploits.  

Possessions are those the sociopath loves; the individuals they'll never completely let go, work to protect from others, and strive to both get and keep even if it might prove a risk to them.  For whatever reason those filed under possessions make the sociopath feel something consistently and deeply enough that they wish to keep them around even if they can't get everything they want out of the person.

The alternative is an exploit, which is pretty much everyone else that's useful to the sociopath.  They're to be taken advantage of until no longer beneficial and then tossed away like an empty carton of ice cream.  There's no feelings attached to these people and they get no protection outside what the sociopath might give to cover their own ass - basically if an exploit is still needed, but in trouble, the sociopath will work to help them only so they themselves don't fall into danger.  If lost in some way an exploit can usually be replaced or their absence worked around with little distress.

This categorizing of people is something Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish does in the series Game of Thrones with the four women who end up closest to him - Catelyn, Lysa, Ros, and Sansa.

Catelyn (Tully) Stark definitely qualified as a possession to Littlefinger.  It's possible she started out as an exploit - an easily accessible highborn girl he could seduce and marry to raise his status - but at some point in their childhood Littlefinger ended up legitimately falling in love with Cat.  So much so he risked his life to try and win her hand when they were young.  The clearest indication she was a possession is that he never completely let her go.  Like Hannibal Lecter with Clarice Starling in a previous piece Littlefinger had no trouble functioning for years without her in his life, but the moment she reappeared his feelings seemed to return fully.  He betrayed her husband to remain safely on the winning side, yes, but also to eliminate the competition so it's no surprise he promptly suggested they get together after the man's execution.  That he made the overture while returning Ned’s body to her showed both his lack of empathy and almost single-minded desire to have Cat for himself.  (It's really a shame the show didn't explore his initial reaction to Catelyn's murder as it might've clarified his level of caring even further - loss of a possession may arouse signs of general upset, loss of an exploit little more than a shrug of the shoulders.)

A mirror to Catleyn is her younger sister, Lysa (Tully) Arryn.  Despite (or perhaps because of) a crazy obsession with Petyr she was never his initial target for seduction and marriage, but was kept as one of his exploits instead.  I'd say favorite, but that's a strong word...maybe most valuable?  Either way Lysa's someone he remained charming to so he could get her to do important and dangerous things for him - like kill her husband and blame the wealthiest family in Westeros for it, which just happen to be some of the catalyst events for the entire series.  While Petyr kept a physical distance from her for a long time he ultimately married her when it proved more beneficial to do so.  In exchange for the marriage Petyr became Lord of the Vale, thus adding another title to the ones he'd been racking up.  Lysa, on the other hand, got shoved out the Moon Door by Petyr when she tried to kill her niece, Sansa Stark, and started to spill every secret she ever kept for him in a jealous rage.  Littlefinger felt nothing for her; he had no trouble using and then discarding her once she ceased being valuable to him.  I have little doubt he was kind to her when they were children both to appear in a good light to Catelyn and set up a beneficial relationship to play upon later, but none of his interest in Lysa was remotely genuine outside what she could do for him.

As one of his prostitutes Ros was most certainly an exploit.  Someone to make money off of even after he seemed to trust her enough with extra duties and to tutor her in his business.  Perhaps he thought her more clever than others in his employ, but he never cared about her.  She was there to gather information on clients (like any other who worked for him), assist in his paperwork, and aid in running his business when he was too busy to be hands-on himself.  That was the extent of their relationship; he had no real feelings for her outside what she was worth to him.  Petyr himself confessed - in a calm, gently-toned, speech that rivaled one of Ramsay Bolton's giddy grins in shudder-worthiness - that she was an investment and if she proved a bad one she'd go the way of a previous woman he'd sold off to be tortured (presumably) to death.  True to his word the moment she was detrimental to him Littlefinger sold Ros to Joffrey to meet the same death-by-torture fate...though I doubt it ever haunted him.

Everyone knows that Petyr has a certain affection for Sansa Stark (let the creepyship flags fly!), but whether he'd qualify her as a possession or just a very special exploit is still yet to be seen.  Their story is ongoing and many of Littlefinger's actions involving Sansa can be read multiple ways: romantic, opportunistic, or both.  His frequent references to how much she is like her mother, Catelyn, can be seen as genuine overtures to a suitable replacement for his lost love.  It can also be seen as sweet-talking an impressionable young girl to make her feel special and cared-for in a dangerous place (or five).  Killing her tormentor, King Joffrey, and stealing her away from the capital could be seen as a heroic act, but those things benefit him as well.  Helping the Tyrells get rid of Joffrey worked to solidify his alliance with them and taking off with Sansa pretty much gave him a portable ace up his sleeve.  Marrying her off to Ramsay was a smart move for Petyr because it helps him cover even more of his bases as wars continuously break out, but it was ultimately a terrible one for Sansa.  The question is: did Petyr knowingly marry Sansa to a sadist rivaling Joffery without caring for her safety or did his simply miscalculate?  The truth is unless Petyr is made aware of Sansa's time at Winterfell and current status (whatever that may be, thanks cliffhanger!) it's impossible to tell.  But if she's a possession he will likely go after her to repair any damage to their relationship as well as seek revenge upon the Boltons if at all possible; if she's an exploit he'll likely still go after her so long as she's a valuable asset, but revenge is unlikely unless it benefits him as well.  Only time will tell…

Ode to Sociopathic Love: Hannibal Lecter

One of the most common arguments I hear against someone - real or fictional - being a sociopath is that the person loves someone else.  While I understand the presumption that a psychopath/sociopath cannot love, it simply is not true.  They love, just not in the same manner or presentation as the average/neurotypical person.  Theirs is a selfish, incredibly intense, love that can come and go seemingly at random…but it is love.  A love that a fair number of fictional “psychos” feel, including Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter.

There is little argument whether Hannibal Lecter is a psychopath; he’s a serial killer who cannibalizes and sometimes serves his victims to others after all.  He’s cool, calm, calculating, and enjoys playing with peoples’ brains (pun intended).  That being said there’s also little doubt that he feels intensely for FBI agent Clarice Starling.  In the movie, Hannibal, antagonist Mason Verger questions Hannibal’s interest in Clarice: “Does he wanna fuck her, kill her, or eat her?"  His assistant/caretaker, Cordell, replies: "Probably all three, though I wouldn’t want to predict in what order.” …Cordell is probably right.  More than anything Hannibal wants to possess Clarice - the exact manner of possession is something that he likely doesn't even know from one moment to the next.

At the end of The Silence of the Lambs Hannibal calls Clarice to say goodbye.  He wishes her well and seems proud of her accomplishment in becoming an agent.  He assures her that he will not come after her and holds himself to that promise; both of which might seem unlikely (if not impossible) for a psychopathic serial killer such as him.  Yet ten years pass without him reaching out in any way, something that would be near impossible for an empathic person in love.  That said when they do reconnect his feelings are the same as ever: “Does this mean you’re back on the case?  If so, goody goody."  In fact, he's so delighted to have her back in his life he essentially stalks her.  If given the option it would appear Hannibal would much rather have her hunting him (and vice versa) than anyone else.

Hannibal comes out of hiding to be near and protect Clarice.  He risks getting caught for her, he kills others because they disrespect her and put her at risk, and at the end of the Hannibal movie he sacrifices his hand for hers.  For him it's as if no time at all has passed; he's just as intense in his feelings as before he left.  …And at the end of the Hannibal book the sociopathic love is even more evident as he drugs and works to brainwash Clarice into becoming his sister (another love of his); something that would be considered abhorrent to do to a loved one to most, but seems perfectly reasonable/sound to Hannibal.  (Dr Lecter fails, but they do appear to become lovers.)

Hannibal’s love is aggressive, possessive, and sometimes cruel.  He has no trouble dropping her when he must (like while on the run), but all the intensity of his feelings for her return the moment she’s back in his life.  No one may stalk, use, or torment Clarice...except for him.  No one may threaten her, but him.  Hannibal would never allow Clarice to capture or kill him - I have no doubt he’d have killed her if he really felt he must to survive and remain free - but he will do whatever he feels he has to in order to ensure her safety.  He is hers only as long and as much as he allows, but she is completely his.  That is how Hannibal Lecter loves.